A t a very early age I was taught the importance of choosing your words right!

My father got us a book of adages, the one that stood out the most was,

Keep your words soft and sweet, you never know when you may have to eat them.

How many of us have had to swallow our own words?

Lets look at the most common styles of communication.

Passive, Aggressive, Passive Aggressive, Assertive, Manipulative.

Quick look at each of the 5 styles:

Passive

Indirect

 They keep their opinion to themselves

Anyways, opinions are the lowest form of human knowledge, they require no accountability and no understanding

Avoid conflict

Indifferent

Can’t say “no”, easily

Patient and considerate to others needs.

Aggressive:

Very Opinionated and not afraid to speak their mind

Very-Confrontational

Influential

They feel like their needs are more important, and they have more to contribute

Out to win even at the cost of others

Such people are loud, threatening, bullying, hostile

Scowling face

Most people stop respecting them.

Believe it or not, they make great leaders.

Passive-Aggressive:

Keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves- Reticent

Indirectly aggressive-Sarcastic..

Pleasant to face, poison behind your back.

Use a lot of body language when speaking.

Not reliable.

The other person left feeling confused, resentful, angry, hurt.

Assertive

Most effective style but least used.

Born of very high self -esteem.

Use a lot of “I” statements.

Know how to express their feelings in a way that doesn’t belittle others.

Use of honest and direct communication.

They communicate to build trust.

Take other’s feelings into consideration.

Make their own choices and take responsibility.

They are emotionally and socially expressive.

They ask directly and accept the possibility of being rejected.

Good eye contact

Manipulative:

If you have someone like this in your life don’t blame anyone, but your bad Karma.

Scheming, Shrewd, calculating

Controlling others for their own benefit.

Shed Crocodile tears to have their way

Envious

High-pitched voice

Control people in an insidious way- slow poison.

The other person will be left feeling guilty, angry, frustrated, irritated and not sure of where to stand with them.

You could be using purely one style or a combination of 2 styles.

Getting a better understanding of your communication style and adjusting it to match up, to their expectations , can help improve your interactions with others.

A technique that can be used to get a better understanding of ourselves is-  the Johari window. Johari window is a psychological tool for self- Awareness. It helps an individual to understand his relationship with himself and with other group members. It was formulated by  Joe and Harry. It can be a beneficial tool to improve relationships at a work place.

What can we do to improve our communication in personal relationships. Eric Bern devised a tool called Transactional Analysis. He explains how we can have Complimentay , Cross and Ulterior transactions with our loved ones depending on the Ego state we operate from. Please click resources for detailed information about this.

Why is communication so important? In a nut shell….

Watch your thoughts, they become words, your words become your actions.

Your actions turn into habits. Your habits define your character.

And your character determines your destiny.

 Hence, lets keep a check on our words and leverage them to improve our relationships.